Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Miranda Santiago.
Sometimes, after the first or second date, the chemistry just isn’t right, but, since you are a hot commodity, you are still getting texts and calls to hang out and go on another date. This instance calls for an “exit strategy”—pretty much the same thing as a breakup, but not a breakup because, besides those first couple, you never actually “started dating”. I polled a couple of my friends (Latin women whose names have been changed) to see what their best exit strategies were. Here’s what I found.
After meeting each other through a Latin dating site, Esperanza went on her first date with Tony. “He looked just as good in real life as he did online,” she told me, although the date went downhill quick when he wouldn’t stop talking about his ex. “The one thing I absolutely hate, especially on a first date, is when a guy talks about—even remotely brings up—an ex-girlfriend.” They finished their dinner, and when the time came to ask her for a second date, Esperanza was honest with him. “I told him that I had a good time, even though I didn’t, and then told him that I didn’t think he was what I was looking for.” At least she was honest—other girls I know are guilty of getting up to go to the bathroom and never coming back.
The Text or the Call
Maria had been out on two dates with Emanuel, and although he wasn’t bad looking, he ultimately wasn’t what she was looking for. The dates went well enough, she told me, but Maria’s deal-breaker were his texts, his misuse of “there, their, and they’re” as well as “to, too, and two”, among other things. “It’s just a pet-peeve of mine and I can’t see myself with anybody long-term if they don’t have higher than a second grade reading level,” she said. Ultimately she shot him a text that said something along the lines of “ I’ve had a really great time getting to know you, but I think we’re after two different things.” Emanuel got the message, proper spelling of “two” and all.
The Easy Let-Down
This is the toughest exit strategy to perform, because it’s the one that you gracefully execute after more than a couple of dates. When you’re getting dangerously close to relationship-territory, but you know that you will never want to actually make that commitment, use the easy let-down. My girlfriend Raquel had been dating Ross for 3 months when she realized that, while attractive and sexually gifted, his anti-social and introverted personality was not something she wanted to settle down with. “Our calls became less frequent, I stopped staying over as much, physical contact became rarer too, and eventually, we just stopped talking,” she told me. “I just sort of slowly let him down, because I liked the guy, you know? I just didn’t want to be with him.” The easy let-down might take a little longer than just breaking it off clean, but it is the best way to do it without hurting anyone’s feelings.
Things to Note
When I started asking my girlfriends about this, I primarily was speaking to Latin women. I expanded my base, and found out that between my Latina, Caucasian, African-American, and Asian-American friends, we all use the same exit strategies. Sometimes dating is universal! Another thing to note, is that in all cases here, the women acted when they came across a deal-breaker. If you find yourself up against a deal-breaker, your best bet is to act, before you find yourself at the end of a two-year relationship that had the end written all over it from the beginning.
While some people will frown upon the exit strategy, any seasoned dater worth their salt knows that it is just another tool in the dating handy-bag. As long as it isn’t abused, it is a great way to get out of a disastrous relationship waiting to happen. These are just a few tips on how to get rid of a guy nicely.
Do you have any exit strategies that have worked for you? Comment below!
Miranda Santiago has a degree in Psychology from Boston College and is now a freelance writer who covers dating topics, specifically Latin dating. Apart from writing, Miranda enjoys windsurfing, playing the piano and cheering on her favorite baseball teams.
Image credit: Michal Marcol