Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Elizabeth Davis.
Is your relationship really that complicated that it is worth bragging about it on Facebook? This It’s Complicated relationship status on Facebook is a vague and ambiguous way of saying that you have the kind of relationship that is begging to be re-structured or perhaps talked about by the people you add as friends on Facebook.
Putting an It’s Complicated status on Facebook has a lot of implications on the kind of relationship you are into. Basically, it can mean that you are in a relationship all by yourself since your supposed significant other is not really that into you. It can also mean that you are involved with someone who is involved with someone else that he is not ready to be with you despite the fact that you have been seeing each other for quite some time.
The truth is all relationships are intricate and complex in nature that they require constant resolutions for issues of trust, compatibility, loyalty, and of course, commitment. Each romantic relationship requires a high level of responsibility from the people involved. Relationship is work, and couples need to be dedicated enough to exert an effort and ensure that what they have will not crumble into failed pieces of hope, love, and devotion.
If your relationship is or bordering on the It’s Complicated category then you have to figure out what makes it that complex that it requires a beleaguering status online. Here are scenarios that make a relationship seemingly complicated and ways how to simplify them.
Scenario 1: The label of your “relationship” is unclear.
You have been dating a guy for quite a while. You have gone on several dates, met his friends, and you have reached that point where you have heightened the level of your intimacy. However, you are not sure if you can actually call yourselves an official couple since you have never had the relationship talk with him.
The Fix: Have the courage to bring up the dreaded relationship talk with him especially when sex is in the picture. If you are not comfortable with having an open relationship or being just a friend with benefits, then you need to make things clear about what type of relationship you have.
Most of the time, a guy is not wired to initiate the relationship talk with the woman he is dating since he does not want to put an awkward pressure on her especially if she is not ready for commitment. Hence, he will just go with the flow and wait for the girl to bring up the relationship talk.
If you want to be exclusive with the guy you are dating, then tell him that you want be in a committed relationship with him. If the guy is not ready for that kind of relationship, then you must be ready to let him go. You do not have to chase people who do not want to be chased. Screw waiting. You clearly deserve to be someone’s choice.
Scenario 2: There is always a third party.
It sucks when you know that the guy you are dating has feelings for you yet he cannot be exclusive because he also has feelings for someone else. Likewise, it is a bummer when you cannot commit to something real with the man you like because you also have eyes for another guy. A love affair that involves three individuals is always a disaster waiting to happen.
The Fix: Before things turn to a total mayhem, you need to assess your feelings and choose a side. If you really want to have a serious relationship with someone, you need to make the crucial decision of picking which guy you want to be with. You cannot be dating someone and then keep another man on a leash. The three of you deserve to be happy, and the only way you can have that is by making a choice of who to keep and who to set free.
Likewise, if you are the third party to another relationship, you have to make the guy make his final decision if he wants to keep you or lose you. You cannot always be the back-up plan, and it sucks really hard to know that you are her fall girlfriend when things go awry with his current relationship. Would you rather be happy with your own relationship or just continuously wait for someone who will never be exclusively yours in the first place? Everybody deserves to be someone else’s first choice. Even if you end up becoming emotionally scarred in the process, you need to quit being the back-up plan. If the man you want is unavailable, then he is not the right person for you.
Relationships are complicated because they require passion, focus, time, and dedication from the people who risked everything to be in one. However, relationships need not be complicated enough to be so vague that you are not completely sure whether what you have worth fighting for or not. If your relationship status is perpetually It’s Complicated, then maybe you are not really in a relationship or are about to lose one.
Image credit: Grant Cochrane